I grew up in Fargo, North Dakota and was raised Catholic. While I was a teenager, I had some idea that I may be called to a vocation as a priest or religious. However, I was more focused on school, so I didn't think about it too deeply. Later, while attending North Dakota State University, the vocation director of the diocese of Fargo called me and invited me to join a group of young men discerning diocesan priesthood called the Melchizedek project. He said that he had received comments (I still don't know from whom) that I might have a priestly vocation. During these meetings, I learned about the life of a priest and prayed and reflected about whether this could be the right life for me. I eventually decided that the diocesan priesthood was probably not for me, but I became increasingly interested in professed religious life. I did research on the various orders within the Catholic Church, their histories, practices, spiritualities, and locations near me.

I finished my Bachelor of Science degree in Botany and began working for a biotech company in Fargo. Since I no longer had a definite goal of graduation driving me forward, my mind was more free to consider what the rest of my life was really going to look like. I continued to practice my faith and through prayer and occasional meetings with the diocesan vocation director, I decided that I would regret it if I never seriously explored a professed religious vocation. Part of me felt that I would be abandoning connections with my friends and family, so I was somewhat afraid to take the plunge and contact a community, but a sincere desire to discover God's plan for me propelled me forward. I contacted the vocation director at Assumption Abbey in August of 2018, and made my first weekend visit in September. I liked it well enough and planned a second short visit in October. During this visit, I went down to the monk's cemetery and prayed in front of the crucifixion scene against the hill. I felt a call to ask Jesus in that moment what he wanted me to sacrifice for him since he had sacrificed himself for me. I got the impression that he answered me that I should sacrifice my life for His church as a monk in this community. I scheduled a week long live-in visit for November which solidified my conviction that this would be the vocation I ought to discern. I moved in as a candidate in January 2019. Since then, through the power of prayer, obedience, community life, and work, the monastic life at Assumption Abbey has changed and is continuing to change me bit by bit into the person I believe God wants me to be.

“It was not you who chose me, but I chose you…..” John 15:16-18

Being born into a family of 11 and growing up in a rural town of south central South Dakota, I didn’t think that being religious could be a way of life for me or that I had some calling to it.  When I think of the prophet Samuel who heard the voice of the Lord, but thought it was someone else’s voice, or that of Elijah who heard a small whisper in the silence and recognized it as the Lord, but not in nature’s devastations;  this is not what happened to me.  But that’s just it, at the beginning of my monastic formation I thought I chose this way of life, when in fact I didn’t do the choosing.  At the beginning of my life, I didn’t get to choose my parents, family members, or even my physical genetics, so in some abnormal way I wanted to do some choosing in how I live my life and how good I wanted to look.  

I, Br. Jacob Deiss was baptized as Darren James on July 26^th, 1970 which placed me in a sacred place and time.  God chose me as an adoptive son and the situation was that a mark of His Son’s choice to die for my sins is placed within my soul forever.    My mother told me as I gained reason and intellect that she was praying for my vocation to the priesthood or religious life.   I didn’t like the idea, for it put me in an awkward spot because I had a few ideas of my own on what I wanted to do.   As I grew in my own wisdom and understanding, I tried to follow the rules and discipline of our Catholic faith.   We were a devoted Catholic family, as my mother’s family was.  My father was a convert from a Protestant background, but a loving parent, quiet and supportive in every way.   I was an altar server and went to Mass as often as my mother could get me out of bed; I remembered going to CCD classes, saying the family rosary, and being confirmed at 17, but in the rural setting of White River, SD I always dreamed that more is out there and more out there to do.

I joined the U.S. Navy a few months out of high school, not realizing the impact that decision had on my life or my family, but found out very quickly that to be responsible and disciplined was the norm.  I learned many good things, but soon they were overcome by more sinful decisions: disobedience, drunkenness, fornication, and debauchery.   Most of these were fueled by pride and the desires of the flesh, but I am here to say that I choose these things and was hurt by them as were those closest to me.  During those 4 years, I ended up traveling to different places of the world and became a veteran of the Gulf War.

A few years out of the Navy, my father passed away and I came to understand death in a personal way.    Mostly of what I knew about life backfired and sent me in a whirlwind of chaos and addiction.  When my family intervened, the Catholic way of faith, hope, and charity brought new expression to my life and a second chance to make things right with God.  It didn’t happen overnight, but in choosing to live a life in service to God and in a monastic setting was going to require change.  Change meant growth and to grow in virtue meant to die to my inner self.    Once more the marks of the Catholic Church were being realized in me and the Divine providential choices to live with more devotion, piety, and reverence became the norm, especially with the sacrament of confession.

I entered the Benedictine monastery of Assumption Abbey in Richardton, ND on Jan 26^th, 1999 and took vows of monastic obedience, stability, and conversion of life on July 11^th, 2000.  It has been 10 years since a lifestyle that brought about my conversion of heart for the betterment of our world.   I say this because the world is getting by just fine without me.  I was better without the world in my life and vice versa.  Sounds prideful, but when we pray the Divine Office (Opus Dei) 3 times a day and attend the sacrifice of the Mass each day also, we are praying for the world that we left behind.  It sounds ironic, but very Christian to pray for our enemies.  In believing that all prayer is answered in its own time and place, God is changing the hearts of peoples through those who have compassion and love of Christ in their souls.  Practicing and reliving the baptismal promises each day, I am sent out again into the world and witnessing to families that God is love and that He is choosing all of us to live the Gospel of Christ.

My work here is the Opus Dei, server of the Mass, cantor at liturgies, Abbey farm and maintenance worker, book binder, rosary maker, and the various tasks that are graciously ask of me by my confreres each day and those that are not asked.  There lies the true spirit of monasticism, which our love is so imbedded in Christ we know what charity is for others, above and regardless of our own selves.   More will be asked of me and I pray (as I hope you will also) for the strength to look beyond my needs and wants for the sake of our community.  Don’t wait for the call to a vocation, just live out your baptism in grace and the choosing will be the Lord’s. “Then we might serve in holiness and justice in the Divine presence all our days…, to go before the Lord and prepare the way by giving the people knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins.”  Canticle of Zechariah (Luke 1: 74-77)

Out of the chaos, came order. So is it with the story of my vocation. I mostly have vague moments of short points where God plays peek-a-boo with me, so I'll try to point those out. From an early age, I was always fascinated with religion. I can recall as a youngster going to Mass many times during the week in the summer, as well as reading through Bullfinch's Mythology and many other types of religious and fable type stories, even having the Greek gods and some of their stories memorized. 
 One thing that started to bother me as I became a teen was the question of what to believe. I searched through the literature, found most of the myths to be too similar to each other and to human-kind. Then I looked at Atheism and Agnosticism, and found myself questioning why does it matter to live a moral life, and why does anything matter? I found the Chinese philosophers to have beautiful teachings on being a human, as well as a sense of humor in the absurdity of life, yet it seemed like something was missing. All this time, I was still outwardly following Catholic practice. Finally, I looked at the Judaeo-Christian traditions, and found a rather peculiar thing. It was so absurd (a God sacrificing (whether His son or His not being bothered) for a people whom he makes his own, and trusts to follow him) it seemed absolute silliness to make it up.
 
 Being more convinced of Christianity, I started looking to make faith my own. This is when I started looking into different denominations. First, I looked at many Protestants. I couldn't quite stomach the continual breaking into new churches for any disagreement. Then I looked at Orthodoxy. I fell in love with the Byzantine Divine Liturgy, the stress on mystical theology, and the beautiful chant. If only they weren't so nationalistic! So finally, I searched out the Catholic Church, and found that there were all sorts of these rites included and allowed autonomous status in union with Rome. From that point on, I was convinced I would switch rites and (since I wasn't much into dating, nor was I seeing anyone) join a monastery. I found one, left home thinking that was that, and enjoyed 2 months there. Everything was grand, but at the end of the day, I wondered why I was there. So I came back to ND.
 
 Not long after, I heard a good friend of mine from Assumption Abbey died, and came to the funeral. After some badgering from a few of the monks, and a short stay, I remember feeling at home, and knowing I had to come back. So far, (no matter how hard I try to rationalize), I have had a feeling of peace here, despite the great trials and tribulations that have happened since my entering, and I know not what God has planned, but I'm sure it's something better than anything I can imagine