Out of the chaos, came order. So is it with the story of my vocation. I mostly have vague moments of short points where God plays peek-a-boo with me, so I'll try to point those out. From an early age, I was always fascinated with religion. I can recall as a youngster going to Mass many times during the week in the summer, as well as reading through Bullfinch's Mythology and many other types of religious and fable type stories, even having the Greek gods and some of their stories memorized.

One thing that started to bother me as I became a teen was the question of what to believe. I searched through the literature, found most of the myths to be too similar to each other and to human-kind. Then I looked at Atheism and Agnosticism, and found myself questioning why does it matter to live a moral life, and why does anything matter? I found the Chinese philosophers to have beautiful teachings on being a human, as well as a sense of humor in the absurdity of life, yet it seemed like something was missing. All this time, I was still outwardly following Catholic practice. Finally, I looked at the Judaeo-Christian traditions, and found a rather peculiar thing. It was so absurd (a God sacrificing (whether His son or His not being bothered) for a people whom he makes his own, and trusts to follow him) it seemed absolute silliness to make it up.

Being more convinced of Christianity, I started looking to make faith my own. This is when I started looking into different denominations. First, I looked at many Protestants. I couldn't quite stomach the continual breaking into new churches for any disagreement. Then I looked at Orthodoxy. I fell in love with the Byzantine Divine Liturgy, the stress on mystical theology, and the beautiful chant. If only they weren't so nationalistic! So finally, I searched out the Catholic Church, and found that there were all sorts of these rites included and allowed autonomous status in union with Rome. From that point on, I was convinced I would switch rites and (since I wasn't much into dating, nor was I seeing anyone) join a monastery. I found one, left home thinking that was that, and enjoyed 2 months there. Everything was grand, but at the end of the day, I wondered why I was there. So I came back to ND.

Not long after, I heard a good friend of mine from Assumption Abbey died, and came to the funeral. After some badgering from a few of the monks, and a short stay, I remember feeling at home, and knowing I had to come back. So far, (no matter how hard I try to rationalize), I have had a feeling of peace here, despite the great trials and tribulations that have happened since my entering, and I know not what God has planned, but I'm sure it's something better than anything I can imagine